Last month's Connections newsletter, "Making Change Happen" discussed the process of creating and implementing change.   After making a major life decision, we are often excited about the future.   In order to take new steps forward, we must first step away from something or someone.   Being able to say goodbye to what was is often helpful in embracing what will be.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.   When we are in the midst of a satisfying relationship or situation we don't often think in these terms.   Instead we are happy and content with what we have.   Yet there are times when our relationships or situations must come to an end.   Though it may be sad or unexpected, saying goodbye does not have to be a bad thing.

As a therapist I am often in the position of saying goodbye as clients come and go.   The most rewarding goodbyes for myself (and I believe for my clients as well) are when we plan and discuss them.   Recently Shauna* came to session stating that she was ready to stop therapy.   She felt that she achieved her goals and was ready to end.   Because this was a planned departure we had the time to discuss her feelings about ending as well as her excitement for the future.   While I enjoyed my work with Shauna, it was a relationship that we both knew would change and goodbyes would be exchanged eventually.  

Consider Derek who had been a high school teacher for 35 years.   He decided that he will retire at the end of this school year.   Derek faced the monumental task of saying goodbye to his students, school, and a significant phase of his life.   He was leaving the workforce and entering retirement.   Though he was sad about leaving this phase of his life, Derek was also thrilled about retirement.   He made plans to travel and spend more time with his family.   When he leaves his school and job he will undoubtedly be very sad, however he will also have the anticipation of what is to come in this new phase of his life.

Sometimes leaving a person or situation can be very difficult and we question if it is the right decision.   However leaving and saying goodbye can be a positive experience that prepares us for the next situation, person, or phase.   Consider the following steps to make goodbyes a more positive experience:

•  Write or think about what you will miss

•  Reflect on the memories or lessons you want to remember

•  Share your thoughts with the people it will impact (e.g. send your former landlord a short note stating what you appreciated about them or the apartment)

•  Talk about what you are leaving as well as what you are moving toward

*Names have been changed