I am not sure if the state of our society (and our family) has gotten worse or if I am just now at a point in my own cognition and understanding that I am able to completely grasp the seriousness of the aliments that are present in our daily lives. 

I do what I do (.my career, this column, mentoring, counseling, etc) in an effort to help stop the vicious cycles.  But mostly, I do what I do because I am scared.  The thought of raising children, starting a family, living and seeing the promise and our future in the present state truly frightens me. The sights, sounds and interactions I experience in person and on television only serve to further my paranoia.

Twelve year girls, walking with strollers as if they were the newest and hottest accessory for the fall; 40-year women, cussing out their sons (even if he didn't do anything that day) becasue he still reminds her too much of his 'no-good-daddy' that she misses so much and consequently the effect that never knowing their father will have; twenty-something men denying their own and walking around the streets as if they own them, when they barely have ownership to the own thoughts--selling, cooking and hustling their lives away and the lives of all those around them because it's what 'we have to do to survive'. AIDS, violence, drugs, prostitution, child abuse, rape, ignorance, frustration, unemployment, despair, hopelessness.

These are the sights and sounds of the world the frighten me.  I'm only left to then wonder. How did we get here?  How can we come up from here?  What can I do to help? 

The Family Room is a place for me to lend my expertise on families, to discuss solutions to common qualms, and to highlight important techniques that may help ease the stressors that come along with family life.   Yet, I feel this tremendous weight on my shoulders.  By offering information and skills about parenting; am I only addressing the symptoms and ignoring the real issues? If so, what will help heal the source of the aliments (- this sore on our society that is slowly eating away at our youth and our communities)? My aim is neither to place a burden of blame nor delegate the responsibility of solution; but perhaps to spark the minds that can collectively bring resolution (. revolution, evolution).

The Family Room is named so because WE are a family...one world family .   Thusly, when something troubles one it troubles all.   Just because I've never smoked or sold crack doesn't mean that I've not been affected.   The same goes for our children.   I have none that I have birthed on my own but I HAVE children.   I claim and feel just as responsible for the young people I come into contact with everyday as if they were mine.   So, NO, young lady; you don't 'know me' but, yes, I AM telling you that your shirt is too short and your jeans are TOO tight.   And, no, young gentlemen, I'm not your mother but, I AM asking you to stop cursing in front of my house.   We are one family and even if you don't care about you.there is someone who does.   'Each one, Reach one'.

I am surprised more and more by the things that children listened to.   I once was a mentor for young girls in middle school.   And there was a certain young lady who was 'tough' always fighting and cussing to get her way.   I was just hanging around one day when I noticed an interaction that looked like it was about to turn ugly.   Before she had a chance to make her move, I intercepted her.   Looked her dead in the eyes and said, "I'm around people that get on my nerves all day long.   It doesn't get any better the older you get.but you realize it's not always worth it".

I'd love to tell you there was a Bill Cosby moment and we hugged-it out, but no, she rolled her eyes at me, snapped her neck and reply "Good for you".

So, in my mind I had failed and all hope was lost on little miss fighter.   But, I was wrong the next few weeks her teachers reported that she was doing better in class and I noticed I had not seen a fight in a while.   So, I approached her one day and said I noticed something was different with her.   To my surprise she recited my whole speech back to me; gave a little smirk and walked off. I didn't think I got through to her but she got it.   I'm sure that most of her teachers were quick to punish her when she broke the rules yet; I some how was able to reach her before there was trouble.  

That story and the former 'little miss fighter' continue to be my inspiration to keep doing what I do.    Sometimes it's all about laying the correct foundation and not worrying so much about the storms.   Sure, I can rant and rave about the terrible state of our world and I am sure no one would disagree.   Looking back on history, however, these storms and aliments will continue to come and go and my bet is that with good foundations we as people can withstand a little rain every now and then.

Danielle Norman received a master's degree in psychological services from the University of Pennsylvania and is currently a social worker and parent educator.

Danielle Norman can be reached for comments, questions or concerns at normanda@37.com.