Welcome to The Family Room, GeoClan's new regular column that deals with anything and everything regarding the family.  Here you can get advice on parenting, the home and everything else regarding you and your peoples.  We introduce you to Danielle Norman, a social worker and parent educator working with Frankford Group Ministry's Neighborhood Parenting Program.  You are in the house now so bring your questions, your eyes and minds and oh, don't forget to wipe your feet at the door!

No, Stop, Don't do THAT; Didn't I TELL you; If you don't get out of THERE.

Children hear some variation of these phrases on a consistent basis.   Their worlds are filled with No's.   As parents and caregivers it is important to set limits, however instead of scaring children with NO we can encourage them with YES!

Have you ever heard the confession of a rambunctious teenager?   (.well the more they told me NO the more I wanted to DO it.) So, it seems, even despite our best efforts to protect them; 'NO' is not a sufficient deterrent.   Imagine for a moment that you were at work and your boss told you not to open the closet.would you follow his command or would your curiosity get the best of you?   I would imagine a large number of us would sneak a peak in the closet eventually. For one reason or another, No, is a difficult command to follow.  

One way to help your children follow directions is to help them.   Make the directions as simple as possible to grasp.   It is a lot easier for a child to DO something than to NOT do something.   So, the next time you find yourself about to say, "NO, you can't do (this or that)".ask yourself. "What CAN they do instead?"

"NO, don't you dare jump on my couch"   can become, " Hey, let's go outside it's the perfect place for jumping"    OR    "Didn't I tell you not to draw on my furniture?" can become,   "Oops, we need some paper if we want to draw!   Let's clean this up and get some drawing paper"

Save you voice and your sanity!   No one likes to be fussed at and no one likes fussing and screaming all the time either!   This technique is called REDIRECTION.   Instead o always yelling "no, no, no."   We can redirect the energy from the negative (unacceptable) behaviors to a positive (more acceptable) one.   For older children it may be possible to use only VERBAL Redirection and suggest an alternative activity (For example: You should go outside and play with your ball).   However, for younger children you may have to use VERBAL and PHYSICAL Redirection together. In this case you would actually help them relocate to a more constructive activity while you tell them what you would like for them to do.   (For example:   If a toddler was playing near an electrical outlet, you would pick them up and place them near a more appropriate plat area and say, "let's play here."

By filling their world with options and (Yes's) the focused is placed on wonderful things children CAN do.   As a caregiver you owe it to the children in your life to motivate them towards appropriate activities.   Focus on "YES" and you might help build a foundation of positive goals and decisions.   In changing your languages you may help instill discipline and corporative behaviors, as well as, redirect a child's language ('NO, I can't' may become, 'Yes, I can')!  

Danielle Norman received a master's degree in psychological services from the University of Pennsylvania and is currently a social worker and parent educator.

Danielle Norman can be reached for comments, questions or concerns at normanda@37.com.